Category Archives: Living Well

We’re Just Passin’ Through

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Unexpected Loss

My two oldest children lost their father to cancer this weekend. He was 61. Divorced over 30 years, we’d come to a peaceful place with each other. To the point where we could sit and have a conversation about our lives, the kids and the state of the world. You know, everyday stuff.

He didn’t know he was sick until about two months ago. So this was an unexpected leaving. The kids visited with him, and he was happy in his last hours. As happy as one can be in a dying state, I suppose. I grieve him. I grieve that he lived with illness and pain and that there was nothing that could be done for him. I am very sad that our children are grieving the loss of this gentle soul. Because that is what he was above all else. Gentleness in a world that is not often seen, or offered. No matter the differences that eventually pushed and pulled us apart in those early years, that gentleness was the reason I married him. He was the reason I am gifted with the presence of two amazing people on the life path. Thank you for that gentle soul.

My son and I made arrangements with the funeral home. I wrote his obituary. I wish now that I had said more about the gentle-man who had attempted to live and thrive in such a harsh world, but I didn’t. Seriously… he was almost too innocent for this world.

We Are More Than This…

My own esoteric experiences have taught me that this reality is meant to be a place of experiences, where lives can be lived well. Or not. It’s really up to each one of us to decide. Me? I’ve made some incredibly naive and not so great choices, pushing myself and this body through events and drama I would tell my dearest friends to run from, to steer way, way clear of. And the results? I wore out my vehicle. My body crashed.

Hey, but you know what? The crash that came with being the overachiever, the fixer, the mommy, the best wife I could possibly be, the one everyone could count on? It forced me to sit. Well, lay down at first. For months. Chronic illness is a bitch.

Some time has passed and an early form of recovery is happening, albeit snail’s pace slow. I sit in awareness. In beauty, in breezy, sunny days, or listening to the rain, or playing with Frankie, the long-haired chihuahua trusty side-kick, and appreciating my adult children who pop in and gab, or bring me a surprise bunch of sunflowers. I sit doing work I love, writing or editing novels or articles on finance and travel. Lots of super-present moments, mindful awareness, moments I had not experienced before the crash. I was lost, running on autopilot. Despite all of the meditative knowings, lucid dreams, despite knowing we are more than this… I fell.

Conscious Connection With All That Is

The crash brought me back into conscious connection with Spirit, to the soul Collective. And my ex’s transition from this world to the next reminded me yet again that this is not our home. He is gone home. He’s left the vehicle behind. Individual expressions of Spirit, we are graced with experiencing incredible, vibrant life, exploding into diversity and life-paths filled with cosmopolitan personal stories that ignite passion, hardship, sorrow, joy, and love, shooting off, weaving through and into the canvas of time.

So now? What. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to sit for a moment and watch the sun sparkles come through the rustling leaves blowing in the trees behind your house. Or close your eyes and listen to the cricket song as the sun falls away past the rooftops and the trees become shadows against the last flash of red light. Maybe watch the woodpeckers dig into the trees for bugs, or the blue jays fight over their territory. Listen to the squirrels complain because you’re too close to their stash. Smell the fresh-cut grass. Hug your loved one and breathe. Just stop. Be now. Feel the connection.

We are more than this…

Adventurer on the edge of the cliff by loutpany

Dedicated to HWT. Save me a seat at the edge, we’ll dangle our feet for a while before the next adventure.

 

 

Solar Energy

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It was incredibly gorgeous today.  Sunshine, warm temps, nearly 50.  I sat in the sun, writing, feeling so fortunate, blessed, Grace brought me here.  At first, in the beginning, it was into not feeling so great all the time (fibro flares) …  to giving up my coulda-been-for-life job.  It’s been a tough journey, but look where I am… sitting in a sunny window doing something I love (with my faithful pup friend Frankie).  What more could I ask for?  Maybe another homemade mocha with lots of vanilla and whipped cream.

sun in hand

 

Friends, family, a compassionate physician who mixes East-West medicine to find the best approach, I’m one blessed chicklet.  “Pollyanna” at heart, you will find me ever optimistic finding the best in every situation, and the sunniest window to sit and soak up solar energy.  It really does help.  Promise.  Do it.

Did you work this week?

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Did you work this week?  Or did you opt to take time off since it is the new year and all that jazz. Working freelance, I have the option to work up to forty hours.  This week, I was really torn.  Do I work or not work.

New Year’s Eve, I decided to do six hours.  New Year’s Day, none, zero, zilch.  Time to take down Christmas while I had time (wait, I work from home, don’t I always have time? short answer… no)  So I didn’t work-work.  I did house-work.  And yesterday? Argh… worked part of the day.  So it’s time to play catch up.

I felt incredibly guilty for taking time off!  I jumped out of the workforce rat-race for a reason, to take care of me.  To focus on having more fun, read more books, drink more cafe mochas.  But here I am feeling guilty, letting the old programming grab me.  Get to work!   I worked today.  Tonight I felt good about it.  Idk… the guilt is still bothering me about the time off.  The voice in my head, But you only did 20 hours this week, think of all the money you might have made… Stop. Just stop.

It’s not always about the money.  I sat in the sun.  I read two books.  I wrote.  I set up my little art studio in a corner of the family room.  I meditated and added songs to my playlist.  I talked with friends.  And tomorrow’s Friday.  I’ll work tomorrow… at least part of the day. 

I’m rambling… Did you work this week?

Here’s to a New Year!

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Hey all. Do you have big plans for 2019? Were there goals you set last year that didn’t manifest? My big goals for this year are to:

  1. Listen to my inner voice. Being preoccupied with to-do lists, writing more chapters for the second book in the Life Journey series, helping my adult children navigate “adulting” challenges distracts me. So. #1 – Sit, Listen, Manifest.
  2. Meditate more and get out of the same routine. I’ve been meditating for nearly 50 years, using the same techniques forever. It’s time for a change. So the nano is going to get a whole set of new songs, (yes I still use it), and the guided imagery scenery will change. Lately, I’ve been using Jason Stephenson’s YouTube channel. Good stuff!
  3. Cook some new dishes. Clean eating is a way of life for me, but the same recipes over and over has got to go! Time to look for some new clean-eating, autoimmune friendly meals. (Ideas? Anyone? Anyone?)
  4. Head over to the coffee shop to write, work, blog more. I love my sunny ceiling to floor windows here at home, but I think it would be cool to soak in the coffee smells.
  5. Romance – More to come on that one. It’s been on the back burner.
  6. Imagine more awesome things for 2019. Maybe monthly.

What are you up to? Any good recipes? Romance advice? Favorite meditations? Please share with me. Happy 2019 trails!

Trust Without Borders

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Wow what a ride!  This life journey sure is a blast.  Took a minute for me to get to this place of acceptance and yep, discovery.  It’s a whole new world for me (I sound like Jasmine from Disney’s Aladdin… wait let me get my flying carpet out).  

Didn’t think I had it in me to make such major life changes, especially being 63 and all.  But who says we can’t do, learn, become more than this in the senior years of our lives? (and what’s considered senior nowadays?)  No one.  It’s our own perspective and the limits we set on ourselves.  

Health challenges pushed me out of the comfort zone into the unknown.  Oh no!  Let me just say, this Pollyanna chicklet was freaking out.  (and maybe sometimes I still do a little, for a few seconds when I wake up in the middle of the night and think what the he**)! 

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When I relax into the web of knowing, into trust of Spirit and All That Is, I do OK.  So far, every need has been met.  Every.  Single.  Thing.  The right doctors, the right tests, a work-from-home job I can do in my p.j.’s.  And not just any job, it’s a job that not only uses my writing and blogging skills, but allows me creative freedom (this is very cool).  I work in the sunny south windows with my trusty sidekick Francis aka “Frankie” the long-haired chihuahua, sipping hot chocolate from Penzy’s (the best) and snacking on tasty Envy apple slices.  Oh yah. 

Let it Be (John Lennon), Be Here Now (Ram Dass), Que Sera Sera (Doris Day) and of course my favorite We Are More Than This…  Trust without borders. 

Crosses

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Months and years of family and health challenges left me exhausted with more questions than answers. What the heck Universe, what’s the story? “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger!”  Hmm… does it, because I was pretty darn wiped out and not feeling strong in any way.  Good thing I have an awesome sense of humor and strong belief that we are more than this…  While gabbing with a friend on FaceTime, the collection of  crosses on my wall showed up behind me on the screen. She noticed the crosses. “They’re pretty aren’t they?  Each one unique and different.”  I said.  She asked if I had named them,  (in other words, the physical “crosses” I bear).  Interesting perspective, a perspective I had not considered and made me laugh.

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For me, crosses represent the intersection of Spirit with matter in order to experience physical life as human.  However, I sure appreciated my friend’s fresh perspective.  The challenges presented over the many years and months could very well be named as my “crosses.” They are the intersection of Spirit experiencing life in all of its Fullness.  Living experience.  Energy of the Collective Whole, Spirit, God in all of Its glory, living out unique, creative, beautiful experiences.  Some tough and challenging, others easy and fun, still others wild, out-of-control crazy!  So hold on tight! We are witnesses and companions to the unfolding and manifesting Spirit.  There will be good times and not-so-good times on this journey. All part of our experience as more than physical, as more than this…

“Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.”  ~ Louise Erdrich, The Painted Drum

Myriad of Things

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God

Disguised

As a myriad things and

Playing a game

Of tag

Has kissed you and said,

“You’re it—

I mean, you’re Really IT!”

Now

It does not matter

What you believe or feel

For something wonderful,

Major-league Wonderful

Is someday going

To

Happen.

~ Hafiz, “You’re It”

 

Tag. You’re IT!  Do you believe something wonderful, major-league is about to happen?  I always have.  I want to keep believing.  These days it’s meant believing with a whole bunch of challenges.  Health challenges, financial challenges, life-purpose challenges, all abounding around.  In the midst of it all I see and feel God, as a myriad of things, encircling me.  In the presence of the people I am with daily, in the winter sunshine pouring through my home office window, in the trees wearing the winter snow, in my pup’s wiggly butt as he brings me his favorite toy for playtime, these, each and all living God.  So maybe someday is not here yet, and the major-league wonderful is still coming.  In the meantime, the myriad of things gives me joy and keeps me going. Tag “You’re IT!” Living God.