Monthly Archives: November 2018

Spirit, Living as Individualized Expression in the Physical or, We are more than this…


In February of 2012, during a meditation session, I found myself in an in-between place, no longer in meditation, yet not present in my physical body.  I was in the company of spiritual colleagues.  We were very excited to be collaborating with each other on the creation of the new life experiences that were yet to unfold in the physical reality.  During the time there, I understood and knew nothing other than what we were doing.  In simpler words, I existed solely as an energy being.  I was no longer physical and existed only as part of the Spirit Collective.  However, I did return to the physical body to share this powerful experience with you:

February 24 2012 – 5 a.m.

I am one of many, yet we are as one, connected and intertwined with no means, method, or desire to be separate.  Collectively in what can only be called great love, the most encompassing love, which is our natural state of being, we are creators. I exist as my creator, or rather I am the creator of my body manifested on Earth.  Who we are here, is how we exist physically on Earth, however here we are pure flowing energy in this place, and on Earth we have physical bodies.  There is nothing but love here in this place of oneness, no strife, no pain, no opposites.

The colors are many, vivid, alive, moving and flowing.  All character is clothed in fluid, colored hues.  The air is alive with excited conversation, thought-speak that vibrates like musical tones.  We are planning a path of events.  There is a joyful sense of knowing in the midst of this natural beauty and being.  Even the aspects of nature exist, but as an aware nature, as part of the Spirit Collective.

During this time, I am comfortably aware that earthly reality provides the opportunity for individualization, individual creativity, and autonomy, something we cannot experience as part of the Collective Spirit.  Yet even at the core of the individualization experienced in the physical world, there is an underlying story and interweaving of all personalities that we have agreed upon in the purest form. During the experience, we finished our creative planning, and agreed it was time for me to return.

My self, as an energy being and conscious representation of the Whole, began to return to this physical plane. I felt an acceleration as I traveled along a thread of energy. I was completely aware that I was returning to the physical state and knew with certainty that I would remain always connected to the Spirit, to God, to All That Is.

Now, back in the physical, I opened my eyes. I am returned.  I feel a great sadness and yearning, because with this new conscious knowledge and awareness, I feel a homesickness I did not realize prior to this experience. However, the experience and the  connection to the Spirit Collective also created a heightened sense of life purpose.  I am meant to share the knowing and continuing journey with you dear reader.

Since this profound experience in 2012, my physical world life experiences became more challenging and absorbing.  My focus turned toward getting children through high school and college, promotions in the workplace, and unexpected health challenges.  Still, I have felt the presence and connection to Spirit.

Now, moving into a new chapter of life, I know it’s the right time to share more of my story and more of the ongoing connection and interconnection experiences.  We are so much more than these physical bodies.  We are so much more than the autopilot lives we lead, the things we work for, what we’ve been taught to value and believe. We are more than this…

Have you had a life-altering experience that brought you closer to truths? Did you share your experience with others?  Or have you kept it to yourself out of fear of being considered too out there?  The more I share my story, the more I find that others have had experiences that have brought them closer to their true form, visible Spirit living in the world of matter.

Tell me about your experience.  Keep the conversation going!

“Putting on Immortality from the Infinite Way by Joel Goldsmith ~ 

‘In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God, and the Word was God… And the Word was made flesh.’

‘The Word was made flesh’ – but it still is the Word.  By being flesh it does not change its nature, character, or substance.  Cause becomes visible as effect, but the essence or substance is still the Word, Spirit or Consciousness. 

In this wise, we do understand that there is not a spiritual universe and a material world, but rather that what appears as our world is the Word made flesh, Spirit made visible, or Consciousness expressed as idea.” (p.21)


Thiamine Deficiency – Life Disrupted


My hope in sharing this story is that others who have similar symptoms might be tested to discover if they’re dealing with the same deficiency. It’s been a life-changing experience! 

A chronic illness had pushed me out of my secure life and job, into a land of chaos… of doctors, specialists, tests, and hospitals. I had to make a choice, A) keep trying to drive to work, trying to function sick and exhausted, or B) just stop and take care of myself.  My body made the choice for me.

Dealing with a severe loss of coordination, chronic fatigue, muscle weakness, neuropathy, random eye movements and double vision (ya, that was sooo freaky), and a long list of other symptoms, I was forced into not working and extreme self-care.  At first it was with a fair measure of resistance.  Throughout the experience, I kicked and screamed at the Universe, shouting inwardly, (and sometimes outwardly)  “NO, no way, you’re not stopping me!”  I did what I had to in order to try to keep going.  I stopped all social activities, ate dinner after returning home from the office and went to bed by 8:00, slept long hours, took naps at lunch time, changed my diet to all clean, fresh foods.  I cut back office hours, tried working from home occasionally, took more sick days… nothing worked.

Surprisingly, on paper my physical system was healthier because of lifestyle changes, however I still suffered with strange, chronic, debilitating symptoms, and my doctors were baffled.  I was now using a cane for walking, a shower chair to shower, and I had stopped driving, so family was having to take me for appointments and tests.  My body said no more.  When I realized that resistance was futile (stolen phrase from Darth), I decided to surrender to whatever lay before me (very Yoda like), and to just trust the process.  I kept a sense of humor through all of this despite the circumstances.  It has been my coping mechanism.

After the long line of doctors and specialists, hospitals and tests, I was referred to another specialist.  This time a neurologist.  He discovered that I have been suffering with a rare deficiency that does not typically appear in the U.S.  I am deficient in thiamine, or B1, which has been the cause for the chronic physical symptoms (referred to as BeriBeri disease in the tropics).  Most U.S. cases appear as a result of alcohol abuse (I don’t drink alcohol), or gastric bypass patients (nope, I haven’t had this surgery).  For an as yet undiscovered reason, my body stopped absorbing the vitamin from food, and started declining in its functional abilities.  The recommended daily allowance typically obtained through food is 1.1 mg in the U.S.  Treatment for me is 100 mg. per day.  this is high dose that I may take for the rest of my life.  Time will tell.

It could be worse.  Advanced thiamine deficiency in those individuals who do not partake of spirits manifests as a disease called “Non-Alcoholic Wernike’s  Encephalopathy.”  Scary stuff!  If this very wise neurologist hadn’t discovered the deficiency, I would have further declined, with loss of memory, hallucinations, and finally coma or death.  (Whew! I am one fortunate soul!)  After three months of treatment, I am seeing improvement in symptoms and am very slowly returning to living a more normal life.  I am told that in six to twelve months, I will see even greater improvement in physical health and abilities, and perhaps a full recovery.

I’ve read a couple of firsthand accounts of individuals in the U.K. who had developed the more severe symptoms as a result of advanced thiamine deficiency.  In some cases they were wheelchair bound with symptoms so severe they were not able to participate in active daily living.  With many trips to a variety of specialists, they too were fortunate enough to come across the wise doctors who found this rare deficiency, and started treatment, literally saving their lives.  It’s become clear that the test for this deficiency is not common.  It does make me wonder how many other people out there suffer with thiamine deficiency, have the symptoms and have not been tested.

I’m interested in hearing from others who live with this deficiency and are receiving treatment.  Please share your story.





Months and years of family and health challenges left me exhausted with more questions than answers. What the heck Universe, what’s the story? “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger!”  Hmm… does it, because I was pretty darn wiped out and not feeling strong in any way.  Good thing I have an awesome sense of humor and strong belief that we are more than this…  While gabbing with a friend on FaceTime, the collection of  crosses on my wall showed up behind me on the screen. She noticed the crosses. “They’re pretty aren’t they?  Each one unique and different.”  I said.  She asked if I had named them,  (in other words, the physical “crosses” I bear).  Interesting perspective, a perspective I had not considered and made me laugh.


For me, crosses represent the intersection of Spirit with matter in order to experience physical life as human.  However, I sure appreciated my friend’s fresh perspective.  The challenges presented over the many years and months could very well be named as my “crosses.” They are the intersection of Spirit experiencing life in all of its Fullness.  Living experience.  Energy of the Collective Whole, Spirit, God in all of Its glory, living out unique, creative, beautiful experiences.  Some tough and challenging, others easy and fun, still others wild, out-of-control crazy!  So hold on tight! We are witnesses and companions to the unfolding and manifesting Spirit.  There will be good times and not-so-good times on this journey. All part of our experience as more than physical, as more than this…

“Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.”  ~ Louise Erdrich, The Painted Drum