Trust Spirit – The 200 Level Course

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After surgery…

Sunday night midnight I woke with abdominal pain. My first thought was food poisoning or a flu coming on. This pain was different though, not like anything I’ve experienced so after an hour and a half I decided I’d best get myself to the emergency room. Reluctantly I threw on jeans and a t-shirt, grabbed a book and got into the car. By the time I drove to the hospital (all of 5 minutes, it really is just down the road a piece), the pain had really increased and I was thankful I had paid attention and not ignored it.

The hospital staff was amazing. They had me checked in, followed by an E.R. doctor’s exam and CAT scan within minutes, amazingly fast. (Thank you Edwards Hospital!) The E.R. doctor reported that my appendix was slightly enlarged and suspected acute appendicitis recommending an appendectomy as soon as possible. They contacted my primary and scheduled a surgeon for me for the next morning. It was now 3 am-ish.

I was moved to a room where I slept very little. The surgeon called at 8 a.m. to talk about the CAT scan. She explained that it was not all that enlarged, that I could stay all day under observation, see how I felt with possible surgery the next day, or go home, see how symptoms progressed, or finally have the appendix removed knowing it might be perfectly healthy. I had until 9:30 to decide. The pain had decreased with the help of pain meds so of course I was tempted to just put the evenings intense pain aside and go home. Who wanted surgery? But doesn’t pain in the body mean something? Yes, it does. Hello? What was I thinking? I decided to trust that Spirit brought me here for a reason.

The oh-so-human part of me wanted answers. I googled appendicitis finding the same information splattered across a variety of medical websites (Don’t cha’ love Droid phones). What surprised me were the symptoms leading up to appendicitis-like attacks, low-grade fever, unexpected weight loss, nausea, occasional cramping, I’d been experiencing all of these symptoms for weeks! Hello? Now I was paying attention. I decided to go through with the removal despite the surgeon’s hesitation. Relaxing into Spirit, I spent the next hour in meditation confident in my decision, feeling surprisingly calm.

The appendectomy was performed, I spent time in recovery and was returned to my room by mid-afternoon. My primary doctor stopped in shortly after. Still dizzy with anesthesia I listened to him explain that “…your appendix was normal.” Oh no! Instantly I felt like a total goof. Could I have been so off?

“But,” he continued. “You had scar tissue from a previous surgery that had attached to the appendix blocking the intestine, it’s a good thing you came in when you did. There could have been serious complications.” Ahhhh…exhale. A 1989 cesarean was the culprit. The scar tissue had continued to build, stretched across attaching to the appendix causing all kinds of havoc. What if I hadn’t followed through and had given into doubt?  Woooo Hoooo! Spirit rocks!

Here I sit, just a day after trying to find a comfortable way to move, sleep, eat, be. Yikes! It’s painful…but I’m grateful to Spirit for leading me to do the right thing. I met some amazing people while at the hospital. One person in particular, Lora my tech, who shared her trust in Spirit when I brought up my own belief system. I sense we will be life-long walk the spiritual path buddies.  And despite the pain, I feel better than I have in months.

The 100-Level Course posts have been all about trusting serendipitous events, being in the right place at the right time with the right people, dreaming events before they happen. This course is about the bigger decisions and trusting “gut” feelings. I knew I needed this surgery despite the surgeons hesitation. I trusted that Spirit brought me to this place, and so it was and so it is. We are more than this…

“NOT

CHRISTIAN OR JEW OR

MUSLIM, NOT HINDU,

BUDDHIST, SUFI, OR ZEN.

NOT ANY RELIGION

OR CULTURAL SYSTEM. I AM

NOT FROM THE EAST

OR THE WEST, NOT

OUT OF THE OCEAN OR UP

FROM THE GROUND, NOT

NATURAL OR ETHERIAL, NOT

COMPOSED OF ELEMENTS AT ALL.

I DO NOT EXIST.

AM NOT ETERNITY IN THIS

WORLD OR THE NEXT,

DID NOT DESCEND FROM

ADAM AND EVE OR ANY

ORIGIN STORY. MY PLACE IS

THE PLACELESS, A TRACE

OF THE TRACELESS.

NEITHER BODY OR SOUL.

I BELONG TO THE BELOVED.

HAVE SEEN THE TWO

WORLDS AS ONE AND

THAT ONE

CALL TO AND KNOW.

FIRST, LAST, OUTER, INNER,

ONLY THAT BREATH BREATHING

HUMAN BEING.” ~~ Rumi

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